Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
