I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
