i think my mom watched the whole time
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
