My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize