i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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