belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
