His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
