oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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