It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
