I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
