It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize