All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You took a bar mat shot.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
