New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
