I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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