its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
