a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize