i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
