Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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