All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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