I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
