Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize