You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
