Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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