Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
