Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
