fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
the raccoons are back...
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