what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
