I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
