so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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