So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
