I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
