I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
