a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
