one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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