C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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