i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
