I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
