He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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