I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
