No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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