After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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