Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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