Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
