Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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