I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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