Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
