either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
