Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
