Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
