I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
