I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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