My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
