your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
