How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
