Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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