got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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