Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
