Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
