420 ftw
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
People in love make me want to vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry about my life...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize