What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
