Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
