Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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