i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
