Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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