It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
