What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
