she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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