Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
