I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
