So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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